19.08.23 Am I losing something?

 

 One thing that I've been thinking has been bothering me. Am I loseing something?

 

I've been considering most of the time of my life as the chance which could have possibly been used more better than I used. In this point of view, It's like My whole life was spent worthlessly.

 

What if I could study harder and better and go to a good university? My school days were planned to succeed that goal, but I failed. So Was I really just a loser? Now someone could be able to say that 'You could've done better than that. right? what a shame.'

 

Regret and confusion come to mind in this kind of way.

What if I've done better, what if I've tried more, what if I get A, what if I've done something rather than I've been laying in bed all day, what if I've practiced useful skills instead of playing game. What if My life failed? what if I've lost something at the time?

 

This kind of thoughts that follow one after another really make me bothered. these things stay in my mind, keep disturbing me when I try something new. It's like 'Oh, you plan to do that? you'll lose something because of that.' ,'you're lazy. you've always done less than you can do. you're just wasting your time.'

 

 

I'll be working for about eight months. meanwhile I've been longing for this season. fall and winter. I was planing to go anywhere in this season. in order to enjoy fresh air and freedom. So, I can't shake of the thought that I'm loseing something. Is it right? really Am I loseing something? but I'm still not going out much, thinking of that at the same time.

 

Perhaps It would the chance to check out if I'm loseing something. because if it was true, I'll start to feel that I got trapped. In other opinion, I may be able to enjoy the seasons while working at City hall. Commuting is the best way of enjoying the seasons.

 

2019.08.23 pm6:15